28 April 2016
VILLARREAL 1-0 LIVERPOOL
A poor game that was headed for a draw until the 92nd minute. Bruno sent a longball upto to Denis Suarez, Toure was of course slow on the turn and out of position, Suarez centred and Adrian tapped in his centre at the back post.
Kolo is just as delusional as his younger brother. In BT's painstaking post match coverage he made sure to point out they were undone by a great ball (Bruno's pass). No they weren't. Cripple Sturridge watched from the bench and Benteke was brought on in the 90th minute which is, another clear sign Klopp has no time either for the cripple or the cowardly lion. Origi will be first choice striker next season unless they get a crack centre forward. Higuain would be a good fit.
27 April 2016
ATLETICO MADRID 1-0 BAYERN MUNICH
Atletico shocked Bayern by going for the jugular in the first half. Saul scored a fantastic individual goal, weaving in and out of defenders before curling a shot past Neuer. Transgender Torres should have scored a second but shot against the inside of a post with the 'keeper beaten. Tit. Bayern offered nothing.
The big debate post match was Guardiola's decision to leave Muller on the bench until the 70th minute. How the hell he figured playing duds Thiago and Xabi Alonso in midfield was a better option is a mystery. Bayern's defence has been awful. If they concede they're not likely to find Atletico as charitable as Juventus or Benfica. Anything less than a European Cup win for Guardiola and his three years at Bayern have been a complete failure.
26 April 2016
MANCHESTER CITY 0-0 REAL MADRID
Both teams played to avoid defeat. The first half was awful. The last 20 or so minutes were mildly entertaining. Hart made a brilliant point blank save from Pepe after he followed up Bale's header on the rebound. Useless twat Sterling was sent through on goal but an abysmal first touch allowed Pepe to recover.
It looks like Ronaldo is out of the return leg. There's no reason City can't get a result at the Bernabeu. If they don't score they will have choked. It's a big game for Bale, like a screen test.
25 April 2016
TOTTENHAM 1-1 WEST BROM
Tottenham pummelled West Brom in a dominant first half but only had Dawson's own goal to show for it. West Brom were a completely different side after the restart and bossed the game, eventually equalising when Dawson made up for his earlier og by heading in a Gardner corner.
The draw gives Leicester a seven point lead with three games left meaning if they beat Man United on Sunday they are champions. A draw or a loss would be enough if Spurs fail to beat Chelsea on Monday. It seems highly probably Leicester will be champions over the next few days. Chelsea are unlikely to roll over and die in a London derby and Man United stink.
ROMA 1-0 NAPOLI
Higuain was back from suspension, and his three match ban has cost his the chance of winning the European Golden Boot. He had one chance, saved. A poor game. Chelsea bound Nainggolan's 89th minute winner meant Juve won a fifth successive scudetto.
VERONA 2-1 MILAN
The running joke of Serie A Milan, continued. Menez gave Milan a first half lead. Pazzini equalised from the penalty spot following a handball. In an injury time counter attack Bacca was through on goal but completely missed the ball from 6 yards then Verona went downfield, won a free kick and Siligardi smashed the ball in off the underside of the crossbar. The win wasn't enough to save rock bottom Verona from relegation.
Milan shouldn't have sacked Mihajlovic. There's no way Milan are beating Juve in the cup final. The sale rumours have resurfaced but while Silvio wants a controlling interest there's no chance anyone would be dumb enough to buy in, even if he threw in his hot daughter as part of the deal. He is 79 however, it won't be long, you'd imagine, before his health deteriorates and he starts pissing into a bag at which point the lovely Barbara will take over. Did I mention she's hot?
24 April 2016
FIORENTINA 1-2 JUVENTUS
Fiorentina had a goal wrongly disallowed for a tight offside and should have been awarded a penalty for blatant wrestling on Alonso, this minutes after Juve took the lead with a sweet move finished by Mandzukic, made by Dybala and Pogba. Kalinic pounced on a terrible mistake by Bonucci to equalise but within two minutes Morata restored Juve's lead after Fiorentina failed to clear a corner. In the 90th minute Kalinic won a penalty but Buffon saved.
Some teams get jobbed, some teams get jobbed historically but it's hard to feel sympathy for a team as pathetic as Fiorentina. Man-up.
LEICESTER 4-0 SWANSEA
Leicester made light of Vardy's absence by smashing Swansea. Mahrez used his arm to control Williams' hospital pass to give the home side an early lead. Ulloa headed in a free kick. Strong runs from Schlupp (what sort of a name is… Jeffrey!?!??) and Gray helped the home side add two second half goals on the counter attack.
15 April 2016
UCL Quarter-Final Draw
Manchester City vs Real Madrid
Man City will be delighted with the draw. Sure Real Madrid have sort of run into form and their confidence will be high but their defence is still a joke, as much of a joke as Man City's defence. These should be two high scoring legs. There's no reason City can't win.
Atletico Madrid vs Bayern Munich
There's no mystery here. Simeone knows how to beat he Guardiola system. Bayern have the weakest defence in the competition. They've conceded six goals in their last four games and look vulnerable to any sort of attack. I believe the first leg is in Spain. Atletico need to get out with a clean sheet and a lead. Keeping eleven players on the pitch is a bigger challenge.
Atletico Madrid vs Man City in the final, hell, why not?
11 April 2016
ATLETICO MADRID 2-0 BARCELONA
Torres' red card in the previous leg of course meant absolutely nothing as far as Atletico's prospects of winning the tie were concerned, because he's garbage. Griezmann headed in a superb cross then despatched a penalty awarded for a blatant hand ball - Iniesta escaped a red because he's a square passing midgets. Barca and idiots all over the word were screaming for a penalty when Iniesta sent a cross from point blank range into Gabi. No it wasn't.
A fantastic result for football. UEFA's darlings were eliminated by Atletico Madrid, again. If you send your players out juiced to the gills and monopolise possession you deserve to be eliminated in an ugly a manner as possible. This ends the greatest team of all time debate for at least another two years by which time Messi will be 30 and Suarez 31. The end is nigh.
BENFICA 2-2 BAYERN MUNICH
It was a case of what might have been for Benfica. Although Raul (not that one) scored, he could, should have had a first half hat-trick. Vidal equalised late in the first half and the tie was over, with Benfica needing to score twice without reply. Muller made it 1-2 early in the second half. UEFA's cowardly referees once again failed to show a red card to a player from a big team, Martinez escaping with a yellow for a last man foul. Talisca equalised with the resulting free kick. Who knows what would have happened had Bayern been forced to play the last 15 or so minutes a man down?
10 April 2016
REAL MADRID 3-0 WOLFSBURG
Talk about shitting the bed. Once Ronaldo headed in following a deflection, a nervous looking Wolfsburg crumbled. Within two minutes Ronaldo had restored parity on aggregate and mid-way through the second half he found a gap through an awful wall to complete a hat-trick with a free kick. He came up really big for Real Madrid here.
MANCHESTER CITY 1-0 PSG
Aguero missed a penalty but PSG created nothing and showed no urgency, despite the fact that City's two away goals meant they would go out if the game ended goalless. The PSG defence ball watched City play the ball across their box and De Bruyne fired a low shot past Trap.
As I said at the time, giving Blankety Blank a new contract on the eve of the QFs was a dumb move. I'm sure they regret it now. PSG are a team of flat track bullies. It's not their fault of course but the fact they barely have to try in the league means they're not capable of raising their game. Motivation of course is another factor. They should get Mourinho.
9 April 2016
MILAN 1-2 JUVENTUS
Alex headed Milan into the lead but the defence failed to cope with a longball and Juve were soon level. In the second half Pogba bounced a shot into the ground and it looped over Donnarumma.
Mihajlovic was sacked days later which was of course a dumb move. Berlusconi has lost the plot. The sooner his hot daughter takes over the better. Milan are now just another club. It's a long road back.
WEST HAM 3-3 ARSENAL
If you could sum up Arsenal in one game, this was it. They stormed into a two goal lead, fell behind 3-2 after failing to cope with West Ham launching balls into Carroll and luckily equalised to come away with a point. Iwobi made the first two goals though West Ham had one chalked off for offside or something. Carrol headed West Ham back into the game a minute before half time then in injury time slammed in a volley from a corner. He headed West Ham in front early in the second half but poor defending from a corner allowed Arsenal to escape with a point. 6 April 2016
PSG 2-2 MANCHESTER CITY
Some of the worst defending you'll ever see in a UCL match at this stage. David Lols was caught hopelessly out of position and almost tripped over his own feet as KDB ran into space to give Man City the lead. Ibrahimovic missed a penalty then scored a tap-in after one of the Ferdinand's under hit a backpass. Rabiot put PSG in front after Heart parried from Cavani, who should have made it 3-1 minutes later. Aurier inadvertently helped on a centre for one of the Ferdinands to equalise.
PSG were awful and created very little. Two away goals for Man City. They're unlikely to keep a clean sheet of course but they've hit something approach form. PSG will have to play a lot better than this.
WOLFSBURG 2-0 REAL MADRID
Big game bottler Benzema blew a one vs one against Benaglio and Bale missed the rebound. Schurrle tripped himself up to win a penalty. Terrible decision. Arnold tapped in a centre, punished horrible defending by Marcelo.
5 April 2016
BARCELONA 2-1 ATLETICO MADRID
Of all the players to score for Atletico it had to be Torres. In case you're wondering it was his first UCL goal of the season and 8th overall. He turned from hero to villain when already having been booked he went through the back of Busquets. Dirty bastard Suarez should have joined him when he kicked Juanfran, who wasn't even in possession of the ball at the end of the first half. He didn't even get a yellow. To compound matters he struck twice to give Barcelona a 2-1 lead. Atletico Madrid were lucky not to end the game with nine men when Fernandez jumped in two footed but it was on that vile piece of shit Alba which could explain the yellow.
A typical game of Spanish football, lots of diving and hacking.
Goals : Suarez 63, Suarez 74
Red Card : Torres 35 (Atletico Madrid)
3 April 2016
LIVERPOOL 1-1 TOTTENHAM
You know how Coutinho shows up in six games a season? This was one of those games. He scored a nice opening goal before Kane inevitably equalised with a shot on the turn.
2 April 2016
NORWICH 3-2 NEWCASTLE
Newcastle are done. This was a proverbial six pointer and they absolutely shit the bed. Norwich scored in first half injury time, Mitrovic equalised mid way through the second half. Both headers. Mbokani restored Norwich's lead with a brilliant right foot shot. Mitrovic despatched a penalty awarded for handball but in injury time Olsson fired in a loose ball after Newcastle once again blew several chances to clear. They actually look worse defensively under Benitez.
In between two headed goals, Carroll slammed in a close range volley as Arsenal couldn't deal with West Ham's aerial threat.