29 April 2004

Lippi Will Quit Juve At End of Season

Juventus coach Marcello Lippi will stand down as coach of Juventus at the end of the season. At a press
conference he said :

"It's been a fantastic story but I think the moment to move on has arrived."

Lippi has been linked with moves to Real Madrid, Manchester United and the Italian national team.

Injury Prone Duff Out For Season

Chelsea have suffered a huge blow with news that influential midfielder Damien Duff is not likely to
play again this season after dislocating his shoulder in training.


27 April 2004

FIFA President Bladder Calls For End To Draws

FIFA's idiot president, Sepp Bladder have called for an end to draws in all matches :

"Every game should have a winner. When you play cards or any other game, there's always a winner
and a loser. We should have the courage to introduce a final decision in every game of football."


26 April 2004

American Billionaire Increases Stake in Manchester United

Tampa Bay Buccaneers owner Malcolm Glazer has increased his stake in Manchester United from
16.69% to 18.25%. Irish duo John Magnier and JP McManus are still the largest majority shareholders
with a stake of 28.89%. 

Signori Announces Retirement

Giuseppe Signori has announced that he will retire at the end of the season. The former three time
Serie A top scorer said :

"The mental and physical stress of a season at the highest level are too much to continue. I'll quit
football but I'll stay living in Bologna."

Inter Fans Dies After Falling From San Siro

An Inter fan became the second supporter to die at the San Siro after falling during Sunday's goalless
draw against Lazio. In November's home tie against Ancona another Inter supporter suffered the same
fate.

Henry Wins PFA Award Again

Arsenal's Thierry Henry has won his second successive PFA Players' Player of the Year award, as voted
for by fellow professionals. Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard finished third while Liverpool's Steven
Gerrard finished fourth. Chelsea midfielder Scott Parker was voted young player of the year ahead
of team-mate John Terry. The team of the season :

PFA PREMIERSHIP TEAM OF THE SEASON
Tim Howard (Manchester United)

Lauren (Arsenal)
Sol Campbell (Arsenal)
John Terry (Chelsea)
Ashley Cole (Arsenal)

Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
Patrick Vieira (Arsenal)
Robert Pires (Arsenal)

Thierry Henry (Arsenal)
Ruud van Nistelrooy (Manchester United).


23 April 2004

UEFA Hit Desailly With Three Match Ban

UEFA's disciplinary committee have given Marcel Desailly a three match after reviewing video evidence.
During the clubs 3-1 Champions League defeat at Monaco Desailly elbowed Fernando Morientes in the
face, an incident missed by the referee inept Urs Meier.

Peruzzi Signs On With Lazio

Lazio's 34 year old deceptive midget Angelo Peruzzi has signed a new contract with the club. Peruzzi's
contract was due to expire at the end of the season.


22 April 2004

Idiots Vote Zidane Europe's Best Ever Player

In a poll organised by UEFA to mark the Golden Jubilee of UEFA (founded in 1954) Zidane Zidane was
named the best European player of all time with 123,582 votes, Franz Beckenbauer finished second
with 122,569, Johan Cryuff finished third with 122,569 votes and the World's greatest ever striker,
Marco Van Basten, finished fourth on 117,987 votes. The top ten :

1. Zinedine Zidane (France) 
2. Franz Beckenbauer (West Germany) 
3. Johan Cruyff (Netherlands) 
4. Marco van Basten (Netherlands) 
5. Dino Zoff (Italy) 
6. Alfredo Di Stefano (Spain) 
7. Eusebio (Portugal) 
8. Lev Yashin (Soviet Union) 
9. Michel Platini (France)
10. Paolo Maldini (Italy) 


Amoroso Dreaming Of Mid-Table Mediocrity

29 year old Brazilian Marcio Amoroso, whose contract was terminated by Dortmund last month,
has revealed that he is set to join a modest EPL club as he wants a challenge. The immensely
gifted but also immensely injury prone striker said :

"Many people would expect me to only be interested in one of the bigger clubs in London, for example
but I was very impressed with the arguments put forward to me by my advisors in England in relation
to the Premiership club in question. I agree that I need a challenge to try and help a club which is
probably most likely to struggle in the league because of their lack of resources. To be successful like
this would give me more satisfaction than earning money."


21 April 2004

Everton Sign Duo To New Contracts

Everton midfielder Thomas Gravesen and forward Tomasz Radzinski have signed new contracts
tying them with the club until 2007.


20 April 2004

Cisse Ban Reduced

Auxerre striker Djibril Cisse’s has had his five match ban (he was sent off in a U21 international with
Portugal then insulted the referee) reduced to four games but still misses Euro 2004 - unless France's
coach is stupid enough to blow a spot.


19 April 2004

Capello Rules Out Roma Exit

"I don't tolerate certain speculation. It's a period in which every time there is a team in crisis, they are
linked to my name. I've spoken many times about my future, and I've been absolutely clear. I have a
contract with Roma until 2005 and I have the intention to honour it until the end."
Fabio Capello

Lizarazu To Leave Bayern

Past It, over-rated, injury prone midget Bixente Lizarazu will leave Bayern Munich when his contract
expires in the summer :

"I have decided to leave Bayern when my contract is up in the summer. I am very proud of what I have
achieved here because I won every important title available. I now hope to help another club with my
experience." 

Tacchinardi Out For Season, Out of Euro 2004?

Juventus midfielder Alessio Tacchinardi tore knee ligaments during Sunday's thrilling draw away to
Parma and has been ruled out for the rest of the season. The defensive midfielder is also doubtful
for Euro 2004.


18 April 2004

Diva Vieri Throws Another Tantrum

Inter's highly paid and highly overrated chocker Christian Vieri has refused to travel with the rest of
the quad after coach Alberto Zaccheroni told him he would not be in the starting line-up. Vieri gave
contradictory comments to the press :

"I can't tell the coach to field me. He's the coach and he makes the decisions. There are no problems"

While he was quoted on the club's official website as saying :

"I have no relations with Zaccheroni. I only speak with Moratti."


17 April 2004

Adu Scores First Professional Goal

14 year old striker Freddy Adu scored his first professional goal in his clubs 3-2 loss to Metrostars.
Adu scored in the 54th minute to put his team, DC United, with one goal of Metrostars.


15 April 2004

Kirkland Injured, Again

Liverpool's injury 'prone goalkeeper Chris Kirkland is injured again. He broke a write in 'training' last
month, yes that's what they all say. He'll miss Euro 2004.

Celta's Vagner Fined But Avoids Jail

Celta Vigo midfielder Vagner has been given a seven-month suspended prison sentence and fined
€3,470 for resisting arrest. Vagner was involved in a brawl with two policemen after they stopped
him for talking on a mobile 'phone when driving. The incident took place in October 2001.


13 April 2004

Keane Makes Himself Available For Ireland

Two years after being sent home in disgrace on the eve of the 2002 World Cup finals (for criticising
coach Mick McCarthy) spoilt brat and the man with the hips of an old age pensioner, Roy Keane, is
expected to be recalled to the national side after holding talks with coach Brian Kerr.

Past-it Litmanen Back To Finland

Injury prone past it Jari Litmanen has returned to his native Finland to play for Lahti following his
release from Ajax.


8 April 2004

Reaction To Champions Stunning Collapse

Milan midfielder Clarence Seedorf praised Deportivo after their shock 4-0 victory helped overturn a
4-1 deficit and send the Spanish giants into the European Cup semi-finals :

"It is quite inexplicable, we made some mistakes and paid dearly for them. We made errors but we
battled, looking to get a goal, to create chances but they were superior to us tonight. We gave our all
but they were in fantastic form"

Milan captain Paolo Maldini said the team failed to recover from conceding an early goal :

"No-one expected a result like that, especially after the advantage we gained from the first leg. We
prepared well for the game, I don't know what to say. After the game you can think of a thousand things
we could have done to avoid a result like that but really no-one expected a defeat like this. We tried to
play rather than to close up. We aren't the sort of side who can play a closed game but they produced
a great performance and we were well below par. We took that early goal and then we couldn't hit them
on the counter-attack and we couldn't make the most of the chances we created in order to calm them
down. It really is very sad. Anyone who has ever played football knows things like this can happen."

Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti denied complacency was to blame :

"This was not expected, it's inexplicable and we have to find the strength, in this moment of
disappointment, to get back and focus on the league. The players were very concentrated and focused
and actually the defeat of Real Madrid helped in that respect. These things can happen in football
unfortunately. It is a bitter defeat but we found ourselves up against a very strong team throughout the
90 minutes. It was a very different Deportivo to the first leg, there is no doubt they deserved to win.
I was really impressed by Deportivo and if they keep playing like this they could end up winning the
Champions League."

Depor coach Javier Irueta claimed the match went as he dreamed it would :

"The game turned out exactly the way I dreamed it would. We knew we were facing a difficult task in
this game but we gave a sensational first-half display to get the three goals we needed. In the second
half we played the right game given that we were 3-0 up and getting the fourth goal allowed us to relax
a little. I was never sure we would win until we scored the fourth. Milan are a very dangerous side and
we could never really ease up." 


7 April 2004

Deschamps Committed To Monaco

Didier Deschamps says he has no intention of becoming Juve coach at the end of the season. Speaking
shortly after leading Monaco to a sensational victory over Real Madrid in the Champions League the
former Juve legend said :

"Here I feel good. I have another year's contract and officials want to extend it. Many things have been
written but I never told anything. I think to Marcello Lippi and his group, these rumours can trouble
them when they have to achieve important aims, like the second place in the league and Coppa Italia."


6 April 2004

Buffon Signs New Juve Contract

Italy's first choice goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon has signed a two year extension to his Juventus contract
tying him to the club until 2008. Buffon has taken a pay cut :

"It really pleases me that they see me as a person who can be part of a cycle here. That is a choice
made in line with what my team mates have done and is the right signal to send to Italian football."


5 April 2004

Gerets Appointed Wolfsburg Coach

Erik Gerets has been appointed new coach of Wolfsburg after the club sacked Juergen Roeber
following a 5-1 thrashing against Stuttgart. Wolfsburg are 11th in the Bundesliga but have the worst
record since the resumption after the winter break.

Turkish Coach Killed In Car Crash

Konyaspor coach Tevfik Lav died following a car accident on Sunday night. Lav's vehicle left the road
near Turgutlu, a district of Konyaspor. Lav had been making the most of a three day break to visit his
family in Manisa who he had not seem for some time.