5 December 2012
CHELSEA 6 (Luiz 38 Pen, Torres 47, Cahill 51, Torres 56, Mata 63, Oscar 71)
NORDSJAELLAND 1 (John 46)
Both teams missed penalties before Sideshow Bob (The Simpsons is over-rated nonsense. If I had c*nts like Bart & Lisa as kids I'd disown them) converted one awarded for handball. The rent boy tapped into an empty net after his initial shot was charged down by Nordsjaelland's goalkeeper. John punished a mistake by Cech a minute into the second half but Cahill restored Chelsea's lead from a corner seconds later. Torres miss-kicked from a yard out but fortunately for him the roof of the net sparred further embarrassment - as if looking like a rent boy isn't embarrassing enough. Mata tapped in a rebound after his initial shot was saved and Oscar completed the rout from Mata's pass.
Chelsea become the first defending champions in Champions League history to fail to make the knockout stages. Epic fail.
Attendance : 40,084
Assists : n/a, n/a, Lorentzen, Mata, Hazard, n/a, Mata
SHAKHTAR DONETSK 0
JUVENTUS 1 (Kucher 56 og)
Attendance : 48,000
Assist : n/a
BAYERN MUNICH 4 (Gomez 22, Muller 54, Shaqiri 65, Alaba 83)
BATE BORISOV 1 (Filipenko 89)
Gomez tapped in a Shaqiri centre. Schweinsteiger headed on a longball and Muller volleyed it over Gorbunov. In a bizarre example of role reversal Gomez crossed for Shaqiri - who scored with his head! Aja Kong turned onto a loose ball to fire in Bayern's fourth. Flipping 'eck scored the consolation goal.
Bayern have the beating of anyone but has an incompetent fool for a coach.
Attendance : 68,138
Red Cards : Boateng 50 (Bayern Munich), Polyakov 69 (Bate Borisov)
Assists : Shaqiri, Schweinsteiger, Gomez, n/a, n/a
LILLE 0
VALENCIA 1 (Jonas 36 Pen)
Attendance : 35,000
Assist : Jonas (won pen)
BARCELONA 0
BENFICA 0
Attendance : 75,000
Assists : n/a
CELTIC 2 (Hooper 21, Commons 81 Pen)
SPARTAK MOSCOW 1 (Ari 39)
Insaurralde sliced the ball when attempting to cut out a Samaras through pass and Hooper drilled the ball past Pesjakov. Know What I Mean Ari punished a lame offside trap to lob Forster for the equaliser. Commons converted an extremely soft penalty to send Celtic through at Benfica's expense.
Attendance : 60,000
Assists : n/a, Emenike, Samara (won pen)
BRAGA 1 (Mossoro 32)
GALATASARAY 2 (B Yilmaz 58, A Yilmaz 79)
The Galatasaray defence wasted two chances to clear and Mossoro got hold of the second rebound and curled a shot inside the right post. Burak Yilmaz met Amrabat's cross with a superb flick header and his brother or cousin or something, Aydin, tapped in the winner from six yards after Quim failed to hold a Felipe Melo shot.
It's kind of ironic that Quim giving up a rebound sent Clunge out of Europe - Clunge and Quim are more or less the same thing.
Attendance : 13,000
Assists : n/a, Amrabat, n/a
MANCHESTER UNITED 0
CLUJ 1 (Luis Alberto 56)
Attendance : 71,521
Assist : Bastos